You know that thing you’ve been noticing in yourself? It happens when you check your email and get a barrage from all the companies and organizations, most that have no real bearing on your life, on how they are handling COVID-19. You turn to the news, social media, or whatever format you choose to digest information these days. You find yourself searching for answers...
What is happening? When will this be over? Am I safe? What’s the cause? What’s the next thing that’s going to be cancelled? What can I do?
And the daily sinking does not go away, and that’s likely for this reason: emotions.
Some of us deny having them ourselves, some of us spend hours criticizing others for “not having them,” and still others of us say “we can’t let them rule us”. However we chose to view emotions before now, we may have thought we were doing a good job managing and getting by or over or through daily life.
But if this pandemic is showing us anything, at least in America, it is that we are not the most emotionally savvy country.
It is probably just as important during this time to take note of how to stay well emotionally as much as physically. Yes, hand-washing, social isolation and now mask wearing are important, but the conversation that is crucial to staying mentally, emotionally and spiritually well. These are issues that many are vulnerable to beyond the immunocompromised, so it is time we do some gut checking on our emotional competency. Truth be told, these are probably things we all need to be doing anyway - there is nothing like a little “encouragement” in the form of a pandemic!
So today, let’s tackle this feeling to kick things off…
Be Sad
This is the strongest emotion we’ve noticed in ourselves, and yet, most of us have a hard time naming it. It escapes us as we endlessly scroll and search to see if this event or that thing is going to be cancelled. It’s hard to face being sad and feeling pain. We are all sad. We are grieving. We continue to shed bits and pieces of normalcy here and there and hang on to others, bargaining all in an effort to not be too sad and maintain a little bit of hope. But there is so much grief to be had.
Weddings, parties, and graduations cancelled. Trips called off. Celebrations and milestones spent separated. Seasons over. Work lost. Those are just to name a few. And being honest with ourselves, we do not yet know how far this will go and how sad we will have to be.
To stay well we need to share our sadness. Admit we are disappointed, that we did not expect life to go this way, and it is still hard to accept. But this is a situation that we cannot accept until we acknowledge that this is sad. Without sadness and grief, there is no true understanding of joy. If we want the joy we have had over many of the past years to be real or ever re-experienced, then we must walk through mourning. We must allow ourselves to feel the sad too.
So practically, what does this look like? Try this. “I feel sad because…..”. Say it to yourself. Write it in a journal. Tell a friend or loved one. Speaking our emotions out loud lesson their hold on us and invites connection, to ourselves and others. In the end, this is a much more practical and healthy way to swallow the elephant pill of grief you are feeling. The alternative is less healthy and responsible, putting yourself or others in harm's way to be a part of or attend something in order to not have to grieve the loss of it, or allowing grief to turn inward, creating isolation and depression.
So what are you sad about? What are you missing and longing for? Who have you shared what sadness with? Will you take a step today and share it with someone? It’s okay to grieve the loss you are experiencing.
I also recommend checking out this podcast by Brene Brown and David Kessler on grief and the cultural moment we are all in.